The Beginning of the End, II

On Tuesday I received the call. The office of the prosecutor called to schedule my deposition. For months now, I've been waiting for this call. A call, or a knock at the door to deliver a subpoena. Can you imagine? Every time the doorbell rang, each time I saw a stranger walk down the street, I thought it might be the subpoena. Every time the mail came, I wondered, "is it here?" A phone call wasn't really what I expected, though it did cross my mind sometimes. In any case, the summons finally came via phone and to my surprise, I feel relieved.

I am so relieved that the endless waiting is over.

I feel relieved that the trial is going to proceed. I was beginning to fear that it would be delayed again.

It's so hard to live with relentless dread. A dark cloud hanging over me, constantly on my mind. And now, at last, I believe it might come to an end. I need this to end.

So my deposition is scheduled for today. Only 48 hours from time I received the phone call, a blessing. Only 48 hours to fret and worry. And my dear doctor refilled my xanax. I am well-supplied, but I hope I won't need to use it. Maybe just one today, to take the edge off. I took two yesterday and it put me to sleep, so just one today, that's my limit.

Today I will relive the crime. I will relive the despair and the anguish of the events leading up to the crime, the shock, and the aftermath. I am just another victim. One of many.