A Slap in the Face
To the Members of J's Family:
Let me say that I cannot begin to understand your pain. I know you have been through hell. The murder of sweet J., your daughter, your sister, can only be the most painful event of your lives.
Guess what. It has been the most painful event of my life, too. I have suffered with you for these past two and a half years. I have suffered. Every. Single. Day. I have suffered without the benefit of righteous anger.
And now, to hear that you are spreading gossip about me, that you have told people in my church and community that I was having an affair with D., is the ultimate slap in the face.
After I put my entire life on hold to help D&J.
After I cried every day, before the murder, because I was in so much distress, knowing something terrible was going to happen.
After I met twice with J to warn her.
After I came to her wake and funeral and offered words of condolence.
After I donated money to the children's educational fund.
After I brought you dinner after J's death.
After I cared, more than anybody else, about the welfare of D&J, and their children.
Where were you when D&J were in so much trouble? Where were any of you? Why was it up to me, an outsider, to see what was happening and throw myself in front of the bus?
Do you really think, for one second, that the investigators in this case, the same investigators that went so far as to discover hidden email files on his fucking camera, would somehow miss evidence of an affair between myself and D? They found no evidence because it didn't happen. And yet you are certain enough of it that you have smeared my name with such allegations?
Did you think I wouldn't find out what you are saying?
Maybe you don't care.
Maybe you just don't understand that someone like me can help someone like you without considering the cost.
I hope I can forgive you all someday.
Let me say that I cannot begin to understand your pain. I know you have been through hell. The murder of sweet J., your daughter, your sister, can only be the most painful event of your lives.
Guess what. It has been the most painful event of my life, too. I have suffered with you for these past two and a half years. I have suffered. Every. Single. Day. I have suffered without the benefit of righteous anger.
And now, to hear that you are spreading gossip about me, that you have told people in my church and community that I was having an affair with D., is the ultimate slap in the face.
After I put my entire life on hold to help D&J.
After I cried every day, before the murder, because I was in so much distress, knowing something terrible was going to happen.
After I met twice with J to warn her.
After I came to her wake and funeral and offered words of condolence.
After I donated money to the children's educational fund.
After I brought you dinner after J's death.
After I cared, more than anybody else, about the welfare of D&J, and their children.
Where were you when D&J were in so much trouble? Where were any of you? Why was it up to me, an outsider, to see what was happening and throw myself in front of the bus?
Do you really think, for one second, that the investigators in this case, the same investigators that went so far as to discover hidden email files on his fucking camera, would somehow miss evidence of an affair between myself and D? They found no evidence because it didn't happen. And yet you are certain enough of it that you have smeared my name with such allegations?
Did you think I wouldn't find out what you are saying?
Maybe you don't care.
Maybe you just don't understand that someone like me can help someone like you without considering the cost.
I hope I can forgive you all someday.
posted by Juanita at
5:58 AM
5 Comments:
Oh, man. I can only guess that they wanted to direct their anger somewhere and just chose you. That's way more than you deserved. And really, why spread that which they had no proof happened? Don't they realize that if other folks believed those lies that they could then destroy another family? It's bad enough that they didn't help out when they could and left you to do that work, but it's worse still when their spilling of false garbage could hurt many other people potentially.
I can't imagine or explain this. In their hurt, I'm sure they're not thinking of consequences or idle gossip. You've hurt enough without this. I'm so sorry.
After talking with my friend who also knew both D and J, and their families as well, I firmly believe that nobody will believe these malicious rumors. You have shown an enormous amount of character your entire life that this family can't smear. My friend was horrified when she heard that a member of J's family flipped you off during your testimony. But at the same time, that behavior didn't really suprise her.
Jen: As a feminist, I'm just going to point out that this smearing of a woman's reputation is just a misdirection. I'm sure (without knowing anything but what I know of you from reading your posts) that you never had an affair with anyone, much less this murdering swine, but what the fuck? (Excuse my profanity, but really, it's totally appropriate when used in conjuction with the total absence of thought process you are describing.) Who cares who D was having an affair with? He shot and killed J, and now their caring about who did what with what penis and what vagina (or other body parts as appropriate)? Wha? I think the key point they are missing is the "shot her three times" part. That's the part that really matters, and that results in J being gone.
J's family: more than kind of missing the point and proving their uselessness. Trying to be charitable: they've suffered a horrible loss. Maybe they'll grow from this. Or not. Pay them no mind. Tell youself it's their pain talking even if it is their venality, misogyny, and idiocy. Ignore them. Know you are good. Don't look back more than you have to. Take good care of yourself.
Oh, and completely uncharitably: as broke as I am, mail me their addresses and I'll buy the darn plane ticket from DC with money I can't afford to spend and slap their faces. Just say the word.
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