Hello Ladies!
Hello Nancy and Laurita. This one's for you. Do you guys know how boring my life is? No? Well, get ready, 'cause you're about to get an earful.
So it's Christmas time at the office. One of our male-menopausal patients came up to our office today to serenade the nurses. Can you say "nurse fetish?" But the real bane of my nursing existence is a patient named "Rudy." (Not his real name). Where, oh where do I start? I'm not even sure if it's possible to accurately describe this train wreck named Rudy. Rudy is a 55 year old man, who works as a mail clerk for Social Security. He's been a mail clerk forever and ever. Rudy is retarded, for lack of a better word. And yet... Rudy has been pampered and babied by the nurses in my office to the point of total dependence. Rudy shows up at the crack of 7:30 every day with some manufactured complaint. Some days it's a paper cut. Other days he wants to know if he is wearing the correct shoes. Usually he wants a bandaid because he has bitten his nails to the quick. On purpose. I'm convinced that this man has become a self-mutilator because he craves female attention from the nurses in my office.
Here's the super-creepy part: I think Rudy is sexually motivated. While all the other nurses are treating him like he's some harmless pre-schooler who needs a bandaid and a blankie, I swear I have seen him leer at me. And get this: on my birthday this year, he actually said, "Can I spank you?"
Dear God, help me. Seriously. I cannot maintain a Christian attitude toward this patient, and I feel guilty about it.
It's not just the fact that Rudy has nothing but little black nubs where his teeth should be. It isn't his stinky feet which he regularly presents to have his fungal toenails clipped. It isn't the rheumy eyes and the persistent noxious B.O. It's the feigned helplessness that drives me nuts! And the underlying sexual vibe that only I seem to detect. I am seriously afraid of this man, and I absolutely refuse to see him if I am the only one at the office.
So that's my Rudy rant.
I still love my job, but I'll be a happy camper when and if he ever retires. In the meantime, I try to be nice to Rudy and kiss his boo boos three times a day, but on the inside I feel like a very baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad nurse.
So it's Christmas time at the office. One of our male-menopausal patients came up to our office today to serenade the nurses. Can you say "nurse fetish?" But the real bane of my nursing existence is a patient named "Rudy." (Not his real name). Where, oh where do I start? I'm not even sure if it's possible to accurately describe this train wreck named Rudy. Rudy is a 55 year old man, who works as a mail clerk for Social Security. He's been a mail clerk forever and ever. Rudy is retarded, for lack of a better word. And yet... Rudy has been pampered and babied by the nurses in my office to the point of total dependence. Rudy shows up at the crack of 7:30 every day with some manufactured complaint. Some days it's a paper cut. Other days he wants to know if he is wearing the correct shoes. Usually he wants a bandaid because he has bitten his nails to the quick. On purpose. I'm convinced that this man has become a self-mutilator because he craves female attention from the nurses in my office.
Here's the super-creepy part: I think Rudy is sexually motivated. While all the other nurses are treating him like he's some harmless pre-schooler who needs a bandaid and a blankie, I swear I have seen him leer at me. And get this: on my birthday this year, he actually said, "Can I spank you?"
Dear God, help me. Seriously. I cannot maintain a Christian attitude toward this patient, and I feel guilty about it.
It's not just the fact that Rudy has nothing but little black nubs where his teeth should be. It isn't his stinky feet which he regularly presents to have his fungal toenails clipped. It isn't the rheumy eyes and the persistent noxious B.O. It's the feigned helplessness that drives me nuts! And the underlying sexual vibe that only I seem to detect. I am seriously afraid of this man, and I absolutely refuse to see him if I am the only one at the office.
So that's my Rudy rant.
I still love my job, but I'll be a happy camper when and if he ever retires. In the meantime, I try to be nice to Rudy and kiss his boo boos three times a day, but on the inside I feel like a very baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad nurse.
posted by Juanita at
7:36 PM
4 Comments:
So glad to see you back!
I think I'd be less creeped out by the sexual overtures and more creeped out by the "black nubs where teeth should be." Jeepers, good oral hygiene is so vital.
Eeeew! I would be creeped out beyond belief at any of those things - the daily complaints, the teeth, the feet, the b.o., the feigned helplessness - and the thought of all of them at once is truly frightening.
I'm glad you're back, though. I've missed you.
You naughty nurse!!!
I haven't checked your blog in so long...I missed this entry for an entire week!
(Rude-y ... good one!)
I hate, hate, hate feigned male helplessness. They think we'll fall all over ourselves fixing the xerox machine for them (by putting the paper in the empty paper bin that is clearly marked) or whatever. Whether ill or healthy, that whole "I need your help and please can I bone you" attitude really has to go.
My current tolerance of males afflicted by learned incompetence (InsaneEx was a specialist) is at an all time nadir. Also, given health care costs and de facto rationing of services, someone should give Rudy a much needed denial of services kick in the pants. And he needs to brush his damn teeth.
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