Hello. This is my life.
Children and Young Readers: I'm about to reveal the truth. Don't be afraid.
No, never mind that. Be afraid. Because if you procreate, as many of us do, and you are blessed with a daughter, then eventually you may be navigating the Hormonal Highway. Now, you might think that you remember your own little hormonal "ups & downs."
You don't.
Let's peek at a little example from my life, which occurred only this week. My darling teenager Anna is a bit, shall we say, "edgy." Meaning, you know...trendy, hip, slightly goth, but NOT emo. Don't call her emo, for godsakes. Never say that word around her. NEVER, DO YOU HEAR ME?
Ahem. Sorry. I got a little carried away.
OK. Well, roughly two months ago, my darling Anna dyed her hair pink and blue. Pink in the front, blue in the back. Being of a Midwest, conservative, middle-aged mind-set, I didn't like the pink & blue, but I kept my trap shut. In fact, I found myself defending her from time to time, when the razzing got too hot and heavy, and I believe I even said it was pretty. It was pretty, albeit only in the context of My Little Pony, but I didn't mention that part.
Suddenly, this week, she decided to go brunette. You can't imagine how that thrilled me! Brunette! No more cold stares in church, no more explaining that she was an "artist" to perfect strangers, in a vain effort to gain their sympathy. (A ploy which worked surprisingly well, by the way.)
But the much-desired transformation just couldn't go down without a hitch. She trotted off to the store to buy brunette hair color. Wonder of wonders, it didn't cover the blue, and she was left with a very strange looking blue-green-brownish mixture on the back half of her head. "MOTHER! I CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS! YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"
Really? I guess I'm missing something, because I fail to see how the current look is any more emergent than the pink n' blue 'do you've been sporting for weeks now.
But in short order, the Mighty Hair Crisis of 2008 was born. Having spent all her money on inferior hair dye, she didn't have money to buy superior dye which would cover the blue. (Although such a dye doesn't exist, I'm sure.) But if only I would agree to drive her all over town, she could use a Christmas gift card to the beauty supply store and buy the proper bleaching chemical to take the blue dye out and re-color it brunette. But wait! Her dad would need to drop by her BFF's house to pick up the bleach fixative first. And then, if he would just bring it home in time for her to mix up the concoction from the beauty supply store, then she could use up every last bit of SaranWrap in the house, splash blue, white and brunette dye all over every surface in two bathrooms, take 10 showers, create three extra loads of laundry, use every last bit of my expensive conditioner, stain at least two shirts, and take no less than 36 hours to complete the metamorphosis back to brunette. Which is the color she was born with. Until she decides to go blue and pink again.
But that probably won't be for another month.
In the meantime, the child who couldn't possibly to go school looking like "this", went to school today with white and blue hair, (mid-dye-back) without blinking an eye.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Good times, good times.
No, never mind that. Be afraid. Because if you procreate, as many of us do, and you are blessed with a daughter, then eventually you may be navigating the Hormonal Highway. Now, you might think that you remember your own little hormonal "ups & downs."
You don't.
Let's peek at a little example from my life, which occurred only this week. My darling teenager Anna is a bit, shall we say, "edgy." Meaning, you know...trendy, hip, slightly goth, but NOT emo. Don't call her emo, for godsakes. Never say that word around her. NEVER, DO YOU HEAR ME?
Ahem. Sorry. I got a little carried away.
OK. Well, roughly two months ago, my darling Anna dyed her hair pink and blue. Pink in the front, blue in the back. Being of a Midwest, conservative, middle-aged mind-set, I didn't like the pink & blue, but I kept my trap shut. In fact, I found myself defending her from time to time, when the razzing got too hot and heavy, and I believe I even said it was pretty. It was pretty, albeit only in the context of My Little Pony, but I didn't mention that part.
Suddenly, this week, she decided to go brunette. You can't imagine how that thrilled me! Brunette! No more cold stares in church, no more explaining that she was an "artist" to perfect strangers, in a vain effort to gain their sympathy. (A ploy which worked surprisingly well, by the way.)
But the much-desired transformation just couldn't go down without a hitch. She trotted off to the store to buy brunette hair color. Wonder of wonders, it didn't cover the blue, and she was left with a very strange looking blue-green-brownish mixture on the back half of her head. "MOTHER! I CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS! YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"
Really? I guess I'm missing something, because I fail to see how the current look is any more emergent than the pink n' blue 'do you've been sporting for weeks now.
But in short order, the Mighty Hair Crisis of 2008 was born. Having spent all her money on inferior hair dye, she didn't have money to buy superior dye which would cover the blue. (Although such a dye doesn't exist, I'm sure.) But if only I would agree to drive her all over town, she could use a Christmas gift card to the beauty supply store and buy the proper bleaching chemical to take the blue dye out and re-color it brunette. But wait! Her dad would need to drop by her BFF's house to pick up the bleach fixative first. And then, if he would just bring it home in time for her to mix up the concoction from the beauty supply store, then she could use up every last bit of SaranWrap in the house, splash blue, white and brunette dye all over every surface in two bathrooms, take 10 showers, create three extra loads of laundry, use every last bit of my expensive conditioner, stain at least two shirts, and take no less than 36 hours to complete the metamorphosis back to brunette. Which is the color she was born with. Until she decides to go blue and pink again.
But that probably won't be for another month.
In the meantime, the child who couldn't possibly to go school looking like "this", went to school today with white and blue hair, (mid-dye-back) without blinking an eye.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Good times, good times.
posted by Juanita at
7:22 PM
5 Comments:
what's up with the teenage girl two-tone hair color look? I'm seeing it with many of my students. Cute, but shocking. And a pain in the ass to undo, apparently
I know, I don't get it. It's kind of mullet-ish if you ask me.
I'm sorry, but this is the most hilarious story I have ever heard. Most likely because a) I am 27 and childless, and b) I grew up in Seattle, where you were considered unusual if your hair remained in its virgin state, with not a blue or red streak in sight. Also, I have a mother who told me I could only dye my hair if I dyed it purple or green (I wanted it to be black). I remember the night my mother let me dye my best friend's hair purple in my bathroom, which we dutifully covered in newspapers and donned old shirts which could be dribbled with bleach and purple dye. It took us four girls all night to dye one head of hair, and the end result was a murky purplish-brown. Alas.
I can't wait to see it. (smirk)
I'm finding the best reaction to all this is a non-reaction. Kind of like when Anna introduced me to the shim friend. We waited until she/he left and then played "guess the gender". It went off well.
So far, at ten, what Ariana contributes to the pre-hormone times is that she'll cry when there's really no reason to cry. She won't cry when a soccer ball smacks her in the face, leaving an imprint...nor when it looked like somebody had stolen something she really loved...but lo, she'll cry that all we have for her to wear as a raincoat is PINK!!! Horrors. I don't want this to get worse. I don't want to, but it appears I don't have a choice.
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