Snow Day? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Can this really be happening? It's another damn snow day today! I think we're up to six now. It's crazy. I can't take it.

And whoever invented automated calling should be shot. If my phone rings before 6:00 in the morning I automatically assume that somebody has died. How many times must I lay there, wondering who bought the farm, when it's just another damn snow day automated call?

This time I was sure it was a death. Why? BECAUSE IT DIDN'T EVEN SNOW! OK, it snowed a little bit, less than one inch. Any sane person assumes it's a death in the family. Because it sure as shit couldn't be another snow day.

Cold

High of 9 degrees today, windchill of minus 10 to minus 20. DAMN! This weather makes me cranky!

I have five minutes to blog before I go to work. My goal for the day is to avoid strangling my boss if she continues to follow me around to micro-manage. Luckily I have to leave at noon to go renew my CPR. Unfortunately, I have to renew my CPR.

Man, there's just nothing to be happy about today.

I'm so cold all the time. I'm seriously thinking about getting my thyroid levels checked. I can just see it now...

"Doctor, I'm cold all the time! I think there's something wrong with my thyroid."

Doctor says, "Yeah...well...did you know it's 9 degrees out there? WE'RE ALL FREEZING, YOU NIMROD!"

Man, what I wouldn't give to be in Grand Stinking Cayman RIGHT NOW. Or even Florida. I can't believe I just said that. Florida -- the bug state. And I wish I was there.

Why?

Oh, Great Universal Source of Television Entertainment, I have but one question for you. WHY? Why must Oprah always be crappy on the rare occasion on which I tune in?

Today she's hosting Jim Carrey. Not ONLY is he a celebrity (yawn, boring!) but he's a washed-up, no-talent, freakish and disturbed egotistical maniac who is promiting -- of all things -- "Horton Hears a Who." Could there possibly BE a lamer Oprah?

No. Today's Oprah was the lamest Oprah in the history of Oprah.

And I'm on the tail-end of yet another four-day weekend, (translation: another four days that my kids were out of school) and you can bet I'm cranky as hell. I could have used some quality Oprah entertainment to kill the last bit of afternoon. Even that stupid Dr. Oz would have been better than a celebrity show.

But at least things are looking up from this morning when I was trying to sleep in. The doorbell rang at 8:15 and it was my daughter's boyfriend, wanting to surprise her by waking her up and taking her to breakfast. Sweet? Yes...but Anna was very tired and wanting to sleep in, so she took the opportunity to abuse the crap out of the poor boy. I'm still not sure why he puts up with her. Then my boys and their overnight guests set up a big ol' messy game of American Gladiators in the living room which required jumping on the new furniture and making shoe marks on my walls, while throwing balls at each other near precariously placed lamps and other assorted glass accoutrements. So in comparison to that, a lame Oprah is not the end of the world.

It's just the principle of it all: why does Oprah always have to be lame when I tune in? Unless...she's always lame and I'm giving her too much credit! Could that be it? I wonder.