Secrets of a Nurse (Everything you wanted to know, but were afraid to ask)
I do not care, nor do I even remember what you weigh. However, I do feel sorry for you if you exceed the capacity of the scale.
I take your confidentiality very seriously. Nobody will know your name or your story; not my husband, not my mother...not even my sister.
Never have your baby at change of shift. Cross your legs if necessary.
If you want the scoop on a doctor, ask a nurse.
If I am about to draw your blood, or do some other procedure, do not tell me that you did the same procedure for 20+ years while you were a medic in the military. This makes me nervous.
On a similar note, if you are a lawyer, particularly a medical malpractice lawyer, keep that little nugget of information to yourself.
Nurses love to be appreciated, especially in the form of candy. Nurses love candy. Even if we don't eat it because we are on some godforsaken diet, it is a beautiful thing to be given candy as a gesture of appreciation. Cards are very nice, too. Or just a little mention, something like, "You're good, that didn't even hurt!" can really make my day.
Even though you are irritated because we ask you to fill out an information sheet on your first visit to the office, please write legibly. Nobody likes filling out those stupid information sheets, but they are a necessary evil.
Laugh at my jokes. We'll both have a good time if you have a sense of humor.
Don't lie about your vices. Nobody's perfect; not the nurse (especially not the doctor!) I won't judge you if you smoke or drink or binge & purge. But I will help you if I can.
It is bad form to present yourself as an emergency when you've had your problem on an ongoing basis for three weeks and it has not suddenly gotten worse.
If you ask, "Should I call my doctor?" the answer will probably be "Yes."
Motrin is almost always better than Tylenol.
Remove your gun before you step on the scale. Then put it right back on your belt where it belongs. I don't want to see that thing.
If you want your son circumcized, don't let any old doctor do it. If ever there was a time to inquire about a doctor's experience and skill level, this is it. And insist on some local anesthesia while you're at it. Based on my observations, it's a painful procedure.
I don't like giving shots. Unless it's a flu shot. I kinda like giving flu shots.
Sudafed can sometimes cure a headache.
Everybody gets lightheaded from time to time. For godsakes, eat something, and make sure you've had enough to drink before you ask me to take your blood pressure.
Handwashing really is a good idea.
Your blood, vomit, pee, wounds, poop, snot and pus don't gross me out. But about those smelly feet...
I love my patients. You are the reason I became a nurse.
I take your confidentiality very seriously. Nobody will know your name or your story; not my husband, not my mother...not even my sister.
Never have your baby at change of shift. Cross your legs if necessary.
If you want the scoop on a doctor, ask a nurse.
If I am about to draw your blood, or do some other procedure, do not tell me that you did the same procedure for 20+ years while you were a medic in the military. This makes me nervous.
On a similar note, if you are a lawyer, particularly a medical malpractice lawyer, keep that little nugget of information to yourself.
Nurses love to be appreciated, especially in the form of candy. Nurses love candy. Even if we don't eat it because we are on some godforsaken diet, it is a beautiful thing to be given candy as a gesture of appreciation. Cards are very nice, too. Or just a little mention, something like, "You're good, that didn't even hurt!" can really make my day.
Even though you are irritated because we ask you to fill out an information sheet on your first visit to the office, please write legibly. Nobody likes filling out those stupid information sheets, but they are a necessary evil.
Laugh at my jokes. We'll both have a good time if you have a sense of humor.
Don't lie about your vices. Nobody's perfect; not the nurse (especially not the doctor!) I won't judge you if you smoke or drink or binge & purge. But I will help you if I can.
It is bad form to present yourself as an emergency when you've had your problem on an ongoing basis for three weeks and it has not suddenly gotten worse.
If you ask, "Should I call my doctor?" the answer will probably be "Yes."
Motrin is almost always better than Tylenol.
Remove your gun before you step on the scale. Then put it right back on your belt where it belongs. I don't want to see that thing.
If you want your son circumcized, don't let any old doctor do it. If ever there was a time to inquire about a doctor's experience and skill level, this is it. And insist on some local anesthesia while you're at it. Based on my observations, it's a painful procedure.
I don't like giving shots. Unless it's a flu shot. I kinda like giving flu shots.
Sudafed can sometimes cure a headache.
Everybody gets lightheaded from time to time. For godsakes, eat something, and make sure you've had enough to drink before you ask me to take your blood pressure.
Handwashing really is a good idea.
Your blood, vomit, pee, wounds, poop, snot and pus don't gross me out. But about those smelly feet...
I love my patients. You are the reason I became a nurse.
posted by Juanita at
6:52 PM
6 Comments:
This was too funny, and actually very insightful!!
Thanks!
Frida
Nurses rule. They always put the patients ease before seeing the dreaded doctor!!! And thanks for telling us that nurses don't care how much we weigh. I am relieved by that little nugget!!
My sisters partner is a nurse and she has a bumper sticker that says and I kid you not - I became a nurse to save your ass not to kiss it! I appreciate nurses trust because I hate shots and I like to be reallllllyyyyy nice before they give me one.
but do you get to take home one of those HOT uniforms? ;)
Cookie - YES, I've seen it!
Oh yeah about the sudafed! If it's a sinus type headache, sudafed + ibuprofen works great.
The gratitude line you wrote about nurses and candy? Yeah, for the record, that goes for teachers too :)
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