Drug Screen

I got a new job!

Actually, it's the same damn job I had before, but with an entirely new set of paperwork and a drug screen. That's what happens when you're a government contractor and a new company is awarded your contract. You get to apply all over again and go through all the screenings and, best of all: take a pay cut!

Today I'm taking a drug screen.

Hahahahahahaha!

I wish I could be there when it comes out! Let's see, what's in my pee today?

Darvocet
Xanax
Morphine
Fentanyl
Benadryl
Versed
Compazine
Zofran
Demerol
Pepcid

...and those are the ones I know about! There are probably ten more that I don't remember receiving because I was under anesthesia!

What a waste of time and money. I wonder if they'll make me re-screen when all these drugs are out of my system. I bet they won't. I could be a big narcotic user, and they'd never know because I have a legitimate reason for narcotics in my urine right now.

Whatever.

I was a little worried about showing up positive for marijuana because of that Tom Petty concert in July. No, I wasn't one of the smokers, but there was a group right in front of us with some of that whacky tobacky. THC will stay in your system for a long time, but you wouldn't think second-hand smoke would hang around in your system for three or four weeks, would you?

I wouldn't have worried about it, except the Missouri Nurses Association newsletter came in the mail yesterday. I'm sure there's a lot of important information in such an official looking newsletter, but I always flip to the back pages and read about my fellow nurses with suspended or revoked licenses. There are always pages and pages of nurses with all the nitty gritty details of their revocations. I mean, they print the entire scenario! Even though I don't use drugs, I get very nervous when I read those stories. And sometimes licenses are revoked because of medical errors. Those make me really, really nervous! I would hate to have my name in the newsletter because I did some stupid, bone-headed thing out of pure oversight, with no malice whatsoever. That is the kind of thing I could imagine myself doing. The drugs, not so much. You're not going to accidentally divert morphine for your own personal use. But some nurses are in there because they failed to report a fever to the physician, things like that. When I read about those poor nurses, I'm always tempted to turn in my resignation and apply to be a cashier at The Dime Store. Hey, if they keep cutting my pay, I might as well!